By Kylie Kisgen, Guest Writer
My biggest pet peeve is passive aggressive people. I extremely dislike this characteristic specifically in adults. I have seen passivity ruin cultures, environments, experiences, conversations, communities, and relationships. Passivity bleeds from one person to the other. I like to think of it as a germ that spreads and it is not hard to catch when you are surrounded by it so often.
I have seen passivity damage relationships with all sorts of people. Not communicating is even more damaging to that person. As humans, we are wired to share experiences and emotions with one another. However, oftentimes it is very difficult for some people to share. Instead, they resort to shutting down and letting the other person read their mind. This is an impossible task. It always ends in a cycle of guessing, assuming, and anger; and you know what happens when we assume.
I have dealt with numerous passive aggressive people in the past, including my ex boyfriend and coaches. This has led me to believe that there will always be time wasted if no one is willing to communicate and be honest about how they feel. I have exercised a lot of passivity myself, come to find out. The hypocrite in me has realized over time that people-pleasing can be a form of passive aggressiveness. My roommate used to get so upset at me when I apologized for getting upset. She would always say, “You need to start feeling your feelings. Stop apologizing for how you feel and be upfront with them.” Little did I know that I was being passive aggressive with her by not telling her how I really feel and expecting her to understand.
I see passive aggressiveness play out in other forms too. Just a few off the dome, here are many that I think is fair to say we’ve all received at one point in time. “No worries if not, but you should really…”, “You’re so brave to wear that,” and “I love how you don’t care what people think.” So much wasted breath is in these sentences. Then comes the assuming from the listener. Let’s try this instead: “Can you please do this?”, “I am not the biggest fan of your outfit today,” and “If I am being honest, this doesn’t suit you the best.” Short and sweet is always the best road to take because there is no hiding and no wondering. It has been the biggest blessing in my life to have friends who call it how it is. When you live in the light, there is nothing to hide. There is so much freedom in that.
So instead of waiting and wishing people knew what you were thinking at every moment, speak up. God gave us voices to be used and thoughts to be heard. I believe that people these days are either ashamed of what they have to say, they do not understand that they are not victims in society, or they simply struggle to articulate their thoughts and emotions. I am thankful for playing a college sport because it has been one of the hardest things I have had to do. In the midst of all the challenges, I have learned how to stick up for myself and for others. That only comes through using your voice. If you don’t stand for something, then you don’t stand for anything. To share your voice is like building intolerance to passive aggressiveness. Using your assertive voice will allow you to catch a mild case of conflict, only to build antibodies to the germ of passivity, so you won’t quietly infect those around you.
