Dear Cowboys fans

April 17, 2018

Being from the great city of Dallas, you would probably think I was bred a Cowboys fan. Well, luckily, I have a dad who was born in Ohio, raised a Browns fan. He didn’t push the disgusting silver and blue Kool-Aid on to me like everybody else in the city. I’ve lived 18 wonderful years 20 minutes outside of Dallas, and I’m proud to say, not only am I an Eagles fan, but I am a Cowboys hater. Without a doubt my biggest pet peeve is listening to you, Cowboy fans, try to talk about football.

It was December 23rd, and my family and I were in McAllen, Texas for my cousin’s birthday. The entire side of my mom’s family claims to be die-hard Cowboys fans. So, being the adversary I am, I sparked some conversations.

I asked my uncle, “So who do the Cowboys play this week?”

I knew the answer. It was the Seahawks. He had no idea. “I don’t know Ben, but we’re gonna win!” he said.

I went up to my other uncle’s girlfriend, “Hey so, uh, are the Cowboys gonna spank the Falcons this week or what?”

She replied, “[expletive] yeah we are! Dak’s throwing for 300, Zeke’s running for 150 and we’re shutting Ryan Matt down.” I stared at her with no reply and just walked away. If by chance you don’t know, she was thinking of Matt Ryan, the quarterback of the Falcons.

I have come to learn that you all have no knowledge of football outside of the Cowboys. Ask a fan, “So, how’d you lose to ‘X’ team?”

You’ll reply, “Who cares? We have five rings!” And, quite possibly, that’ll be all you know.

When the Eagles won the Super Bowl this year, my life was complete. All I wanted was to see one Super Bowl win in my lifetime. Cowboys fans just seem to think they are winning the Super Bowl every year. Yes, you have five. No, that doesn’t mean you are the best team in the NFL. It happened last century.

I texted my group of friends back home after the Eagle’s win, “LOLOLOL Nick Foles won a Super Bowl before Tony Romo.”

I got back five texts reading, “Five rings.” Like what? No correlation, at all.

If there was one thing I enjoyed more than seeing the Eagles win the Super Bowl, it was seeing the Cowboys implode. Of course, the excuses started flowing from you guys. “Bring back Romo,” “Zeke got suspended,” “Our coaching staff sucks,” is all I heard this past season. I’m sorry Cowboys fans, mediocrity is the team’s DNA now.

If you are a Cowboys fan, chances are you think Dak is the second coming. If you’re Cowboys fan, you think Zeke is innocent. If you are a Cowboys fan, you probably think you would have won the Super Bowl if Sean Lee was healthy. If you’re a Cowboys fan, chances are you think Dez caught it.

I’m sorry Cowboys fans, but I bet you didn’t know the brutal truth behind your beloved 90’s teams. The infamous “White House” plagues the team’s past; if you don’t know it, you should hit the world wide web to find out. Oh, and the story behind the Eagles Super Bowl? I am sure you know, by now, what kind of men reside in that locker room.

Doug Pederson, in his post-game trophy presentation speech, said, “I can only give the praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for giving me this opportunity; I have the best players in the world.”

So, Cowboys fans, you are my pet peeve; please don’t talk football if you don’t know football.

With love, but mostly hate: Ben, and the fans of 31 other NFL teams.

By Ben Swanger, guest writer

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