SOCIAL MEDIA POLL RESULTS:
Waffles: 196
Pancakes: 145
The case for pancakes
“Pancakes are better than waffles because they’re easier to make, allow for more variety and taste better—and my kids have loved them for 27 years,” said Dr. Ben Sells, Ouachita’s sixteenth president and self-described ‘Pancake Enthusiast’ (go check out his Twitter bio).
Although I could probably drop the mic there, I’ll keep going.
“I’ve told Abby this since she was little, everyone should have a favorite word. My favorite word is ‘pancake,’” said Dr. Jeff Root, dean of the school of humanities and interim dean of the Michael D. Huckabee school of education. “I don’t normally eat things with squares in them. I will eat a waffle, but I prefer a pancake. Partly because of the word.”
Those testimonials to the superiority of the pancake only scratch the golden-brown surface.
But to get a 360-degree understanding of why the pancake consistently curb-stomps the waffle, we must examine the choices the foodie has regarding each breakfast item.
First, you must choose your restaurant. Already, Team Waffle is off to an awful start, because the establishment they offer will make you scoff. Their namesake is a crusty, dingy, sketchy diner, unexcitingly called “Waffle House.” Not only are you worried if the restaurant has met FDA standards, you’re probably also wondering when was the last time your server washed his/her hands. Like Bumper says in “Pitch Perfect,” hard pass.
How about the icon for Pancakes? IHOP, the International House of Pancakes. A pristine, reputable franchise with quality ingredients, employees AND hygiene. Pancakes 1, Waffles 0.
So now you’re sitting down, you’re quite hungry, and what’s on the plate in front of you? ONE waffle? How disappointing. If you had ordered pancakes, you could have piled them as high as the literal sky. For shame.
Anyhow, maybe you don’t have time for a sit-down meal, so what about the store-bought variety? An Eggo Waffle is what #TeamWaffle would enthusiastically suggest. “Leggo my Eggo”? How about: “lemme give you my Eggo.” Eggos are stale discs of flavorless cardboard (yeah, Eggo Waffles are more dull than regular cardboard). Additionally, CNN reported on Monday, Sept. 19 that “about 10,000 cases of Eggo Nutri-Grain Whole Wheat Waffles are being voluntarily recalled in 25 states because they could be contaminated with the bacteria listeria, Kellogg Co. announced Monday on its website.” Yikes! #Blessed I’m not a waffle eater.
In an attempt to distract you from Listeria-Gate, Team Waffle may point out to you that there are variations on the theme of “waffle” that give it an edge over pancakes. These variations include Chicken and Waffles, Waffle Fries and Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco.
If they want to bring up family trees, two can play at that game. Here’s my response: crepes…oh, also, cake! Crepes, which clearly have more similarities with pancakes than waffles, have long been the epitome of sophistication and delectableness when it comes to five-star breakfasts. And cakes, a category of which pancakes are a part (pan-CAKE), are present at every birthday, wedding and milestone celebration, so if they don’t like cakes, then, it appears Ian and his cohorts dislike happiness, too.
Moving ever onward. Take a second and look at the next page. Do you see Dr. Sells advertising for a “Waffle Party” in the caf? Does the international line feature “waffle bars”? Does Student Life host “Waffle-jacks and throwbacks”? The answer to all three is “NO.” The correct answers are 1) pancake, 2) pancake and 3) flapjack (…so, pancake).
To be honest, there was one argument that gave me pause, and it was the Leslie Knope Rebuttal. Leslie Knope, a character (played by Amy Poehler) in the TV comedy “Parks and Recreation,” is a well-known member of Team Waffle, and that’s an impressive celebrity endorsement. However, even there, we emerge triumphant as well.
Just take a moment to reflect on senior Will Henley’s Twitter comment.
“Ms. Knope’s show is a weak imitation of The Office. Much like waffles are to pancakes,” Henley writes.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. “The Office” is original, “Parks and Rec” is an imitation. Don’t get me wrong, both “Parks and Rec” and waffles are respectable, but like with the TV shows, the waffle tries–and fails–to capture the original magic of the pancake. We all know who’s the Original Slim Syrupy.
I rest my case.
By: Barrett Gay, Editor-In-Chief
The case for waffles
We all love breakfast food. Breakfast food is the cornerstone of this great nation. Newlywed couples survive off the cheap but delicious flavors of breakfast bliss. Any guy who wants to impress a girl on a date knows cooking a delicious combination of batter and syrup will win her heart.
IHOP and Waffle House are open 24-7. Why? Well, it is always in demand. In the morning, before you go into your day featuring an unhealthy amount of stress stemming from taking 35 hours in the semester as well as being in twelve different after-class activities, you don’t reach for a handy hamburger or a simple steak. You grab some oatmeal and cereal and drown your sorrows in the delicious embrace of clover-shaped marshmallows and fruity flavored milk.
Even DJ Khaled has said, “Breakfast is a major key.” The two staples of breakfast, the pancake and the waffle, are known by all, but only one reigns above the other. If you are reading this, you agree with my point. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and the WAFFLE is the most important piece of it.
Unlike their counterpart in morning bliss, the Waffle is built for maximum syrup consumption. We don’t eat waffles and pancakes strictly for the batter. No. We want to douse our breakfasts in the sweet, sticky nectar of the maple tree. Pouring syrup on a pancake is like eating soup on a plate. It makes no sense. Not only is the great grid shape on the top of the waffle perfect for syrup, it also can be used as a cozy shelf for fruit and chocolate chips. Unless you take the time to individually place chips inside the pancake as it cooks, they’ll roll off the top when you try to eat them. That’s not the case for the amazing waffle, however! Make your waffle and then toss the chocolate and raspberries on it without spilling and getting messy!
When you eat something, you look for texture. Pancakes give you a soft, gummy feel. Like a Sour Worm without the sour, or the worm. Waffles, on the other hand, have a crispy outside and a sweet, soft inside. They’re the Vin Diesel of breakfast foods. Pancakes have been proven to be so thick that they make you full way too fast. You don’t need to have a stack of waffles, because one waffle, so fluffy and sweet, is enough.
Pancakes are made in pancake form. Sometimes they’re wrapped around sausage links, but they still stay in pancake form. Waffles are such a great invention that not only can you eat them in waffle form, you can eat them with fried chicken. Perfection has never been so sweet. When you go to Chick Fil-A, do you reach for Pancake Fries? No. Does ice cream come in a pancake cone? If ice cream and chicken require waffles, then I do too.
Also, toaster waffles are fantastic. Your childhood was filled with Eggo Waffles. Reach back in the depths of your memory. Do you ever remember eating a toaster pancake as a kid? If you did, I am supremely sorry for the torture your taste buds went through directly afterwards.
Maybe you’re still not convinced. Maybe you’re one of those people who looks at celebrities for inspiration. Well worry not, because Leslie Knope of the Pawnee “Parks and Rec” department and 11 from the hit show “Stranger Things” love them.
One of the parts of college that we all love is the late nights and the all-nighters. Where did you go to eat during your last all-nighter? Was it the House of Pancakes? Oh, no? You took your crew and went to Waffle House. As my opponent has probably already pointed out, Waffle House is gross. We all know that, and we all accept it. You know why? We would do anything for waffles. We wouldn’t even care if the place is in the middle of the Henderson campus.
Ever prayed for someone while pancaking your hands with him or her? If you answered yes, you’re wrong, because that doesn’t even exist. Waffling is more spiritual and is a staple in the halls of every church, small group and pre-thanksgiving meal prayer. That’s right, waffles are spiritual.
So let’s recap for a second. DJ Khaled thinks waffles are better. The majority of students polled are team waffle. You can eat them without getting sticky or spilling your random toppings on the way to the table. They’re filling, but not too thick. Waffle House is a key to surviving college. Eggo waffles got you through childhood and adolescence. Oh, and we can’t forget waffle fries. So girls out there trying so hard to impress the TWIRP date of your dreams, cook them a waffle. Guys who can’t work up the nerve to talk to the girl in your history class, ask her to Waffle House, because here’s the fact: She loves waffles.
So I raise a waffle to you, America. In a time where the country is divided, it’s good to know we can bond over the foundation of American Greatness. The Waffle.
By: Ian Craft, Sports Editor
